Found this old note from 1/4/12 in my phone
Written after my grandma passed away.
You must have to be very brave to tell your mother that it’s okay, she can cry. To see her cry would be absolutely frightening but if she needs to, and if you are brave enough, then it is right to release her into that freedom to be sad. Too much lies upon her shoulders: this family’s wellbeing, and all the other families connected with yours. Children, heavy insensitive weights, carry the mightiest sword that shatters even the thickest glass hearts of mothers. But, when that moment comes, when that sword and the child realize who is the real enemy, then you can stand guard as your mother rests her bright eyes, now brighter with tears. To stand there with your sword, yes you must have to be very brave because you admit that all your life, you’ve been fighting false enemies and the real ones come when your sword points away from your mother. But it is at that moment, that mothers don’t grow weaker with sadness or tears, but fiercer. They become braver than you could ever dream of being as they begin to fight their dragons , but also their children’s dragons. And in the end, it comes full circle as you cry out to your mother that you are tired that you can’t fight anymore not a single minute more, and she will say yes, yes to fighting your fight for you while you rest your weary eyes.